Writeryogini

Writeryogini

Sunday, June 8, 2014

And They Said it Wouldn't Last ....

On June 9th, Hubby and I celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary!

I KNOW! THAT'S A LONG TIME!

This is us on our 28th anniversary two years ago. We celebrated it at York Harbor Inn in York Maine, which is where we got married. We just happened to be in New England at that time during our 2012 RV Road Trip. We hadn't planned to be there - in fact we were only there because of a delay in our travel plans caused by a problem with the RV. But it was a silver lining for it to work out that way!



The day we got married - June 9, 1984, it was 103 degrees!

I KNOW! WHEN IS IT EVER 103 DEGREES IN MAINE????

June 9, 1984, that's when.

When we met, I was 25 and he was 40.

I KNOW! THAT SOUNDS SCANDALOUS!

We married when I was 28.5 and he was 44. We'd both been married before.

I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'D ALREADY BEEN 
MARRIED AND DIVORCED BY THE AGE OF 25!

Wait ... it gets better...

Hubby had been married  and divorced TWICE!

I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????

So at our house, we don't make fun of the Multiply-Married.When Dick met actress Ali MacGraw (now I'm name-dropping) at my book signing in Santa Fe, they bonded over their similar marital histories ... except she'd been divorced one more time than he had.

That's Ali at my signing - isn't she beautiful??

Hey look, nobody gets married thinking they'll get married more than once. But LIFE HAPPENS! Finding out that life isn't perfect and usually doesn't work out the way you PLANNED IT, is what makes us more compassionate and less JUDGMENTAL. If you've lived a perfect life, I really don't want to be friends with you because you are most likely seriously delusional, not to mention annoying.

ANYWAY! DICK (AKA RVPAINTER) AND I HAVE NOW BEEN MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS.

I think that it takes a LONG time to figure out how to be with another person in a really good way. There's always that tug-of-war between bonding with another and maintaining an individual identity, especially at the beginning.

And there were a lot of challenges for us at first because of high tension with Dick's ex. (High tension is a euphemism for "we lived in terror"). In those days, fathers weren't treated with much (much is a euphemism for "any") respect when it came to custody rights - it was all about the mom. But we made his son a priority and made sure we never missed our "that's-all-you-get" court-allotted every-other-weekend and one week of summer vacation. We were under constant threat of losing visitation if we were EVER five minutes late bringing him home. (I'm not making that up). We were never allowed to have him on Christmas - ever, which was very unkind. (Very unkind is a euphemism for MEAN.)  We also never missed a support payment or any other kind of support for that matter. I think things have gotten more equitable for fathers in divorce now when it comes to joint custody and other rights. At least I hope so!

WOW! I WENT OFF ON A LITTLE RANT THERE!
DO I SOUND BITTER?

NAH ... It's water under the dam. I mean over the bridge. I mean - you know what I mean! But I can still be outraged by injustice right? It's RIGHT to be outraged by injustice....RIGHT????

BUT I DIGRESS!

Dick had a heart attack at the age of 49 and that was pretty scary. Worse, it was while we were on vacation in ARUBA! He got to spend the better part of a week at the Dr. Horacio E. Oduber Hospital, where he received excellent and kindly care except for that one nurse who seemed to not like him and left the thermometer in his ... well, never mind about that.

I KNOW! WAY TO SPOIL A NICE VACATION, DICK!

But he's been fine ever since, and he's 74 now! (You can do the math to figure out how old I am).

Like everyone, we've had rough times and good times.

We've gained friends and lost friends. The friends we have now are the best ones ever - they are good for us and we for them. They are the people with whom we can laugh like little kids, and cry for their sorrows like they were our own.

We've learned and grown together. I supported his growth as an artist and he supported mine as a writer and a yoga teacher.

Some of the hard times were REALLY hard, but those times actually brought us closer. In the face of trouble, we became a united front. And the good times were sweeter and more precious for having had times that were hard.

I can honestly say that we are closer now than we've ever been. Things that used to provoke an argument now just make us laugh. We are easier with each other and more accepting of each other's quirks. (He's a tad OCD, and I am annoyingly optimistic).

After 30 years, we know we'll be there for each other, guaranteed. We're family, and family sticks together.

So, Happy Anniversary to my Sweetheart and thank you for sharing this journey called life with me.

All our old photos are in our 10 BY 10 STORAGE UNIT IN SANTA FE, so I can't show you how we looked way back in 1984. But this is how we look now:


I KNOW! WE ARE STILL WICKED CUTE, HUH?

When we were first together and working our buns off, we dreamed of living in a warm climate with sunshine and nice beaches. Happy to say that finally, 30 years later, we do!

18 comments:

  1. It's been 30 years???????? WOW - time flies when you are having fun!!! Love ya darling and I must say it's been the best 30 years of my life.

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  2. Thanks sweetheart - the same goes for me. Thanks for taking the journey with me. xo

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  3. 'They' say a lot of things. Often wrong. I wonder why we listen to them, and am glad that you and Dick listened to your hearts instead of the so-called experts.
    Congratulations, and many more years of love and laughter to you both.

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  4. Awwww, congratulations you two!!

    Your blog is wonderful, Melissa. I laughed, I cried...(mostly I smiled). Thanks for sharing the story of your life together so far. Here's wishing you another 30 years of happily ever after. XXOO

    Mary Lou & Jim

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    1. Thanks you guys - you know that you two are included in those friends who make us laugh like little kids - so glad to have you in our lives xo

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  5. Congratulations... to make it to 30 years shows a lot of compromise/ stick-to-itness, care and depth! Wishing you another 30 years of wedded bliss... or at least one day at a time, finding small ways to show the big gift of love that you've developed for each other. Peace, Patty (married 28 years)

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    1. Thanks Patty! That's it, isn't it? One day at a time finding ways to be kind to each other and show we care? Congratulations to you on your 28 years as well.

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  6. Congratulations. You have a great story, and you always look so happy together :-)

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    1. Thanks Annalisa! We do have a good story, but what I've realized is that by a certain point, everyone has a good story! xo

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  7. HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY!!

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  8. What a great post!!! Congrats Melissa and Dick! And you, my dear, are very, very funny! xx

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    1. Thanks Bobby! You and I should appear as a team - we'd keep 'em smiling!

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  9. Dear Melissa, absolutely "wicked cute"!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing the ups and downs of the 20 years you and your husband have spent together and may you share with one another many more growth-filled years. Peace.

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